dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
