Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
