Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
