my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize