i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
