Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
