I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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