Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
