apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
