it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
last night I used snow as a chaser
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
