How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
