took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
