I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
