ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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