did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
