i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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