My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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