im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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