Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
