She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
