it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
