When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
