as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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