the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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