i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
