just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was born a porn star she said
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
