i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
