The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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