just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
