i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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