I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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