youre lurking in front of me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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