Will you blow on my dice?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
