Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize