you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
