Where is the hickey?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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