did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
