were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
