its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
