They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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