Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
