I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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