I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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