we're chasing vodka with high fives
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
