Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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