STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
