I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He passed out mid-signature
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
