i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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