is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
