part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
