There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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