Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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