you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
