she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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