I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
