hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
