I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
third nipple confirmed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
