ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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