So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the room spins SO much faster in panama
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
