non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
