I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
