The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Randomize
