I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
