I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
