trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
