and you said cock pushups were impossible
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
