omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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