you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
