She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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