Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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