yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
