I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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